the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
