Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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