If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i dont even know how to be here
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
