My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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