I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize
