I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Come on in and take your pants off
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