You smell like stripper and shame
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
