Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
