i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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