We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
