My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
