Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Randomize
