that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
