Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
