good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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