You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
