Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
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I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
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when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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