Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
This baby is an asshole
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I deserve this hangover.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
