Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
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I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
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I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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