Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
It's just like the Real World with babies
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
