i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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