You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize