Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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