Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
as a side note pls kill me
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
