I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
