worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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