Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
