i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
