Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
