oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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