All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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