its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
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