There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
