Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
