I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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