It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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