Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
