my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Four minutes until I can fart!
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
