Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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