i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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