I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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