yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
