I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
