but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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