i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
