took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
