Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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