I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
