just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
