I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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