We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Randomize
