Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
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