Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
We need to get me chipped asap
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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