..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Randomize
