it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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