____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
nutella sex= disaster
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
