I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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