Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
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