grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
