I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
