Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
