Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
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