if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
he shaved USA in his pubs
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
