i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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