I want to make a zoo with you.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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