I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
