There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
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Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
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I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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