why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
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