Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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