He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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