dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
