I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
