I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
