a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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