I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
