There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
