my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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