Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
