apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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