OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
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