probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
