these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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