So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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